my parents won’t support my career choices
Dear Living Revive Team,
I’m reaching out because I feel really stuck right now and don’t know how to move forward.
My parents have always dreamed of me becoming a doctor. It’s been their goal for me for as long as I can remember—and in many ways, I think it’s tied to their hopes for our whole family. We’re immigrants, and I’ve seen how hard they’ve worked and sacrificed so I could have opportunities they never had. I respect that deeply. But the truth is… I don’t want to be a doctor. I never have.
I have a completely different passion—something that feels more aligned with who I am—but every time I try to talk to them about it, it turns into an argument. They’re hurt, they think I’m being ungrateful, and they worry I’m throwing away a secure future. No matter how I try to explain how I feel, it just doesn’t seem to land. I end up feeling guilty and selfish, like I’m letting them down after everything they’ve done for me.
I know they want the best for me, but I feel like I’m slowly losing myself trying to live up to their expectations. I’m torn—because either way, someone gets hurt. I just don’t know how to balance honoring them without betraying myself in the process.
How do I even begin to navigate this?
–Feeling Caught in the Middle
Dear Feeling Caught in the Middle,
Thank you for writing in. What you’re going through is incredibly tough, and your feelings are completely valid. It’s not easy to carry the weight of your own hopes while also holding onto the expectations of people you love—especially when those expectations are tied to real sacrifices and dreams they’ve carried for years.
Your parents clearly care deeply about your future, and it’s obvious that you care deeply about them too. That’s why this situation hurts so much—you’re not just choosing between two careers, you’re trying to navigate between your identity and your loyalty. That’s not a small thing.
Here’s the truth: wanting something different for your life doesn’t mean you’re selfish or ungrateful. It means you’re trying to be honest with yourself—and that takes courage. You’re not rejecting your parents or everything they’ve done for you; you’re trying to build a life that actually fits who you are. And long term, that’s the kind of life that allows you to show up for yourself and for others in a real, sustainable way.
When you’re ready, consider having an honest, calm conversation with them—not to win an argument, but to open a door. Start by acknowledging their sacrifices and their dreams for you. Let them know you understand where they’re coming from. Then share your perspective—not defensively, but clearly. Help them see that your decision isn’t about rebellion or disrespect, but about doing what feels right for you.
They may not understand right away. That’s hard, but it’s also normal. Sometimes it takes time for people to adjust their vision of what they hoped for, especially when it’s rooted in fear—fear of instability, of judgment, of struggle. They’re looking out for you in the only way they know how. But that doesn’t mean their way is the only way—or the right one for you.
If it helps, show them that you’ve thought this through. Explain what excites you about your path, what kind of future you’re working toward, and how you plan to make it work. You’re not asking for permission—you’re inviting them into your process, and giving them the chance to understand who you really are.
Also, know that this might be a long conversation, not a one-time breakthrough. And even if things stay tense for a while, that doesn’t mean you’re doing the wrong thing. You’re allowed to disappoint someone in the short term in order to live truthfully in the long run.
You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way. A lot of people from immigrant families face this exact kind of pressure, and it can feel like you're constantly stuck between gratitude and authenticity. But you’re allowed to honor your parents and honor yourself.
Keep going. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. But the fact that you’re asking these questions means you’re already on the right track.
– The Living Revive Team