Friend or Foe?
Friendships are supposed to be one of the most supportive parts of our lives—but what happens when they start to feel more draining than uplifting? This week, we’re taking a closer look at a question that’s not always easy to ask: Are the friends in your life actually good for your mental health, or are they unintentionally doing harm?
We often think that just because someone’s been in our life for a long time, or because we share a lot of memories, that friendship is automatically healthy. But sometimes, even the people we care about most can become sources of stress, anxiety, or self-doubt—without even meaning to. Maybe it’s a friend who constantly vents but never checks in on you. Or someone who subtly puts you down, crosses your boundaries, or makes you feel guilty for growing or changing.
The truth is, friendship isn’t just about loyalty or time—it’s about mutual respect, support, and emotional safety. It’s okay to outgrow friendships that no longer align with who you are or where you’re going. And it’s more than okay to reevaluate the role someone plays in your life if being around them leaves you feeling drained, anxious, or less like yourself.
This week, we’ll explore what a healthy friendship actually looks like, how to spot red flags in your relationships, and how to set boundaries (or walk away) when someone’s presence is starting to impact your peace of mind. We’ll also talk about how therapy can help you navigate these tough relationship dynamics and make space for the kind of connections that actually lift you up.
Do They Actually Make You Feel Good About Yourself?
One of the biggest signs of a healthy friendship is how you feel when you’re around them. Do they hype you up, make you laugh, and support your goals? Or do you walk away feeling low-key drained, overlooked, or like you’re not enough?
Good friends make you feel seen, supported, and appreciated—not like you’re constantly questioning your worth. If being around someone regularly makes you feel worse about yourself, it’s a sign to take a closer look at that dynamic.
Are They There When Things Get Real?
Friendship isn’t just about fun—it’s about showing up when life gets messy. Do your friends check in when you're going through it? Do they listen when you're stressed, or at least make an effort to be there?
It’s normal for people to have their own stuff going on, but real friends don’t go MIA when you need them. If they only stick around when things are easy, that’s not support—it’s convenience.
Do They Respect Your Boundaries?
Boundaries aren’t “too much”—they’re basic respect. Whether you’re asking for space, being clear about your limits, or just protecting your peace, your friends should get it.
If you’ve told someone what you need and they keep pushing, ignoring, or making you feel guilty about it, that’s a problem. A solid friend doesn’t need to agree with every boundary—but they’ll still respect it.
Do They Support Your Growth?
Real friends want to see you win. Are your people cheering you on when you chase something new, or are they subtly holding you back? Do they celebrate your glow-up, or make passive comments that make you second-guess it?
If someone’s always downplaying your progress, it might say more about them than you. A true friend pushes you forward, not sideways.
Do They Make You Question Yourself?
If you constantly feel confused, second-guess your choices, or feel like your emotions are being invalidated—take note. That’s not just miscommunication; it could be manipulation, gaslighting, or just a straight-up toxic vibe.
Friendships should feel safe, not shaky. If someone’s making you doubt your reality more than they support it, it might be time to step back and protect your peace.
When the Vibe Isn’t Enough: Anna’s Wake-Up Call About Friendship
Anna thought she had it all—an effortlessly cool friend group that was always down for a good time. They were the life of every party, always posting the best group pics, and making plans that turned into late-night stories. From the outside, it looked like the kind of friendship most people want: tight-knit, fun, unbreakable.
But when Anna’s grandmother passed away unexpectedly, everything shifted.
In the days that followed, Anna was heartbroken. She needed support, even just someone to sit with her in the mess. So she reached out to the people she thought were her inner circle. The response? Silence. Texts left on read. Missed calls. And when she finally got through to someone, the conversation barely touched on how she was doing—it quickly pivoted to what everyone was doing that weekend.
“I told myself maybe they just didn’t know what to say,” Anna later shared. “But eventually, I had to admit—it wasn’t about that. They just didn’t want to be there when things got heavy.”
That realization hit hard: the people who were always down for brunch, parties, and road trips had no space for her grief. They were fun, but they weren’t real.
That moment changed everything for Anna. She slowly began to step back, distancing herself from friends who only showed up when things were light and easy. It wasn’t dramatic—just intentional. She knew she needed people in her life who were capable of handling both the highs and the lows.
Her story is a powerful reminder: not every friendship is meant to last forever—and that’s okay. Growth sometimes means letting go. Because true friendship isn’t just about shared laughs or a strong selfie game. It’s about mutual care, emotional presence, and being able to sit with each other through real life.
Things to Reflect On:
Are your friends there for you when you’re struggling—or just when it’s fun and convenient?
Do you feel safe opening up to them, or do you hold back to avoid being “too much”?
Have you set any boundaries in your friendships? And if so, are they actually respected?
What would it look like to surround yourself with people who genuinely uplift you?
Friendship should feel safe. It should help you grow, not leave you questioning your worth. If your current circle isn’t showing up in the ways that matter, it’s okay to take a step back. Protecting your peace isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. And you deserve friendships that meet you where you are, not just where it’s easy.
Protecting your mental health starts with being honest—both with yourself and the people around you. Let your friends know what you need when it comes to emotional support and where your boundaries lie. Whether that means asking for more space, clearer communication, or simply not being available 24/7, it’s okay to speak up. You don’t owe anyone a constant “yes,” especially if the plans or favors they’re asking for don’t align with where you’re at mentally or emotionally. And if a friendship consistently leaves you feeling drained, unappreciated, or unsupported, it’s more than okay to take a step back and reassess. Sometimes distance is the clarity you need.
Friendships are meant to add value to your life—not leave you feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or unseen. It’s not your job to shrink yourself or sacrifice your peace to keep people around. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you care less; it means you care about yourself, too. The right people will understand that. So give yourself permission to choose relationships that protect your energy, respect your needs, and support your growth. You deserve that kind of friendship—and nothing less.