Check on Your Strong Friends – They’re Not Always “Good”

We all have that one friend who just gets life. They’re always there for you, hyping you up, sending “proud of you” texts, and somehow handling their own life like a pro. They’re the ones giving out the best advice, showing up when you need them, and never letting their problems spill out in the group chat.

And because they seem like they’ve got it together, people assume they don’t need checking in on. But let me be clear: your strong friend needs you too.

Strength Doesn’t Mean Invincible

Just because someone seems like they’re thriving doesn’t mean they don’t have bad days. Strength is often built from struggle, and the people who seem unbreakable might just be really good at hiding their cracks.

Think about it—how many times have you heard someone say, “You’re so strong, I don’t know how you do it,” or “You always handle things so well”? While it might sound like a compliment, it can sometimes feel like a silent expectation. Strong friends hear this so much that they start believing they have to keep it together at all times. That breaking down isn’t an option. That if they admit they’re struggling, they’ll disappoint people.

But strength isn’t about never struggling—it’s about pushing through, even when things feel heavy. And the weight they carry? It doesn’t disappear just because they’ve learned how to carry it well.

Your strong friend could be dealing with burnout from always being the reliable one, loneliness from people assuming they don’t need company, or just exhaustion from constantly putting others before themselves. But they don’t always show it. Why?

Because they don’t want to be a burden.
Because they don’t want to mess up their “role” as the one who has it all figured out.
Because they think no one would know what to do if they were the one falling apart.

That’s why checking in is so important. Even the strongest people need a safe space to put down their armor.

They’re Checking On You—Who’s Checking On Them?

Your strong friend is probably the one who always seems to have the right words at the right time. They’re the ones who send you that “You got this!” text before a big interview, who sit with you in silence when you don’t feel like talking, who remember the little things you mention in passing and bring them up later just to show they care. They’re the ones who, no matter how busy or exhausted they are, will make time for you when you need them.

But here’s the thing: who’s doing that for them?

Strong friends aren’t just naturally self-sufficient. They don’t wake up every day with an endless amount of emotional energy to pour into others. They do it because they care. They do it because they know what it’s like to feel unseen, and they don’t want anyone else to feel that way. But over time, always being the support system and never being the supported one takes a toll.

It’s easy to assume that since they’re so good at giving advice, they must know how to handle everything on their own. That because they seem emotionally strong, they don’t struggle. But even the strongest person has a breaking point. And what’s heartbreaking is that many strong friends suffer in silence because they don’t think anyone would notice if they weren’t okay.

Think about the last time your strong friend checked in on you—really checked in. Maybe they sent you a text that said, “Hey, I know you’ve been going through it. Just wanted to remind you that I’m here.” Maybe they called out of the blue just to ask how your day was. Maybe they noticed something was off before you even said a word.

Now ask yourself: when was the last time you did that for them?

Friendship isn’t supposed to be a one-way street. If you’re always on the receiving end of their care but never making the effort to give it back, that’s not a friendship—that’s emotional labor. And no matter how strong they seem, no one can pour from an empty cup.

They Might Not Say It, But They Need It

The hardest part about being a strong friend? They rarely ask for help.

It’s not because they don’t need it. It’s because they’ve been conditioned to believe that they shouldn’t.

Strong friends are usually the ones people lean on—the problem-solvers, the advice-givers, the shoulders to cry on. They’ve gotten so used to being the support system for everyone else that when they’re struggling, asking for help feels foreign. They might downplay their struggles or brush things off with a joke. They might say “I’m fine, just tired,” instead of “I feel like I’m drowning.” They might convince themselves that their problems aren’t serious enough to burden others with.

The truth? They’re not fine. And they shouldn’t have to hit rock bottom before someone notices.

That’s why checking in on them matters. They might not send a long, emotional text saying, “Hey, I need support right now,” but a simple message from you—one that says “Hey, how’s your heart?” or “How have you been, really?”—can be the difference between them feeling invisible and them feeling seen.

And don’t just stop at asking. Listen. Watch how they respond. If their texts get shorter, if they start canceling plans, if their usual vibrant energy feels a little dimmer—pay attention. People don’t always say they’re struggling outright, but they show it in small ways.

Most importantly? Make it safe for them to open up. If your strong friend does decide to be vulnerable, don’t rush to fix them. Don’t hit them with, “You’re strong! You’ll get through it!” even if it’s well-intended. Instead, say:

💙 “I hear you. That sounds really heavy. Do you want to talk about it?”
💙 “I know you’re always there for me, but I want you to know I’m here for you too.”
💙 “You don’t always have to be strong. It’s okay to lean on me.”

Because at the end of the day, being strong shouldn’t mean carrying everything alone.

This Doesn’t Mean Ignore Your Other Friends

Let’s be real—every friend deserves love and care. This isn’t about ranking struggles or deciding who “deserves” a check-in more. Some people are more vocal about their emotions, while others keep things bottled up. Some friends will openly tell you when they’re having a rough time, while others will act like everything is fine even when it’s not. Both types deserve attention, compassion, and genuine check-ins.

Think of friendship like a garden. If you only water the flowers that look wilted, the ones that seem strong might slowly wither without you noticing. Just because a plant looks healthy doesn’t mean it doesn’t need care. In the same way, just because a friend seems okay doesn’t mean they don’t need you.

This isn’t a call to stop checking in on your friends who vent more often or express their struggles openly. In fact, this should be a reminder that checking in on one person doesn’t take away from checking in on another. You don’t have to choose between supporting the friend who cries on your shoulder and the friend who never sheds a tear—they both deserve to be seen.

And checking in doesn’t have to be a huge production. It’s not always about sitting down for a deep heart-to-heart (though those are great when needed). Sometimes, it’s as simple as:

✨ Sending a “thinking of you” text out of nowhere.
✨ Tagging them in a funny meme just to make them smile.
✨ Inviting them to do something fun together, even if they say they’re “too busy.”
✨ Reminding them of a happy memory you shared.
✨ Asking, “Hey, how’s life treating you lately?” and actually listening to the answer.

A lot of times, we wait for big, obvious signs before we reach out to people—like a friend posting something sad, canceling plans repeatedly, or going completely silent. But the best friendships aren’t just about showing up when things are falling apart; they’re about showing up consistently, even when things seem okay.

So today, take five minutes. Think about the friends in your life—the ones who vent to you and the ones who never do. Reach out to someone you haven’t checked on in a while, especially if they’re the type to always say they’re “good.”

Because even the strongest ones need a reminder that they’re not alone. ❤️