Am I Too Dependent On My Partner?

  • Dear Living Revive Team,

    I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years, and overall, it’s been wonderful. He’s kind, emotionally supportive, and genuinely my biggest cheerleader in life. But over the past few months, I’ve found myself questioning whether I’ve been leaning on him too much—and it’s starting to bother me more than I expected.

    Here’s what I mean: whenever something goes wrong in my life—whether it’s a stressful day at work, a misunderstanding with a friend, or even just not knowing how to spend my free time—he’s the first (and often the only) person I turn to. I value his input so much that I’ve started deferring to him on decisions, even for minor things like what to cook for dinner or how I should word an email.

    It’s not just about decisions, though. Over the past year, I’ve also realized I’ve deprioritized other aspects of my life in favor of spending time with him. For example, I used to meet up with my girlfriends every other weekend, but now I barely make time for those connections. I’ve also let go of hobbies I once loved—like yoga classes and journaling—because I’d rather hang out with him or feel like I “should” be focusing on us as a couple.

    The thing is, my boyfriend recently brought this up. He told me, in the kindest way possible, that while he loves how close we are, he’s started to feel that I might be depending on him for too much. He assured me that he’s always there for me, but he gently encouraged me to rebuild some of the independence I had when we first met. His words weren’t harsh at all, but they stung because I think he’s right.

    Now I feel stuck. Am I too dependent on him? How do I strike a balance between being emotionally connected and maintaining my own independence without making him feel like I’m pulling away? I don’t want to lose the closeness we have, but I also want to be my own person—confident, self-reliant, and not overly reliant on him for every little thing.

  • Dear Anonymous,

    First off, let me say this: you’re not alone, babe. SO many people feel the exact same way at some point in their relationship, and honestly, just asking this question shows you’re super self-aware and care about keeping things healthy. That’s a major win already. Relationships are supposed to feel safe and cozy, but it’s also easy to lean a little too much on your partner without even realizing it. No judgment here—it happens to the best of us.

    Let’s Talk About What’s Happening

    Okay, so it sounds like there are two big areas where you’re feeling the dependency vibes: decision-making and how much of your time revolves around your boyfriend. Let’s break this down a little.

    The Decision Dilemma
    We’ve ALL been there—texting, “What should I eat?” or “Does this email sound okay?” like 20 times a day. But if you’re always looking for his input, you might be accidentally telling yourself, “I can’t figure this out alone.” (Spoiler: you can.) Start small! The next time you’re deciding on something, pause before texting him. Ask yourself, “What do I really want?” Whether it’s choosing between tacos or sushi or tackling a tough work call, practice making those choices solo. Trust me, the more you do it, the more you’ll start feeling like a decision-making queen.

    Where Did Your Hobbies Go?
    Girl, what happened to yoga classes, brunch dates with the crew, or those cozy journaling sessions? It’s totally normal to spend a ton of time together when you’re in love, but don’t forget to make space for you. Pick one thing you used to love—maybe it’s a Saturday coffee run or a painting class—and bring it back into your life. Not only will you feel more like your amazing, independent self, but it’ll also give you fun new things to talk about with your boyfriend. Win-win.

    Let’s Chat About Him

    Your boyfriend sounds like such a sweetheart, and the fact that he brought this up in a kind way shows how much he values you and your relationship. Keep that convo going! Let him know you’ve been reflecting on his feedback and that you’re working on balancing your independence while still staying connected. You could say something like:

    "Hey, I’ve been thinking about what you said, and I’m so grateful you care enough to bring it up. I totally get where you’re coming from, and I want to start focusing on feeling more independent again. I think it’ll make both of us stronger."

    This tells him you’re not pulling away, just leveling up to bring your best self to the relationship.

    Don’t Forget About Your Support Squad

    Your partner doesn’t have to be your go-to for everything, and that’s okay. Hit up your bestie for advice, vent to your sibling, or just FaceTime someone who gets you. Having a squad to lean on takes the pressure off your relationship and reminds you that you’re never really alone.

    Celebrate Those Wins

    Remember, babe, this isn’t a “fix overnight” kind of thing. It’s a process, and you’re allowed to take your time. Every little step—making a decision solo, texting a friend instead of your boyfriend, or picking up an old hobby—is a big deal. Celebrate it!

    At the end of the day, relationships are about balance. They’re about being a team, but also making sure you’re staying true to you. Keep doing what you’re doing, and you’ll find that sweet spot where love and independence exist side by side.

    You got this, queen. 💕

    XO,
    The Living Revive Team